By bullying others instead of focusing on their own emotional imbalance they use the shame, pain and humiliation of their victims as a distraction from the conflict within them.
Like most social vices, bullying derives a force from isolation. Isolation of both victim and perpetrator. Driven by their warped emotional impulses, bullies seek victims on which to unleash their pent up negative feelings in order to numb or assuage their own pain.
By bullying others instead of focusing on their own emotional imbalance they use the shame, pain and humiliation of their victims as a distraction from the conflict within them.
The victims on the other hand tend to be personalities with a perceived inability to self-defend. This perceived weakness attracts the bully and the victim translates this undesirable selection to mean something is wrong with them to have been chosen as a target. This leads to the ‘I should be able to handle it’ mindset as the victim tries to convince themselves they need to be stronger. There is also a problem in many victims assuming their reporting cases of bullying would mean that they are weak, or lead to more threats or harmful acts when authority figures are away.
Feelings of isolation are also closely correlated with victims of bullying as the act in itself fosters shame and humiliation which can diminish self-worth, making victims doubt if anyone could possibly care. If you are experiencing bullying, physical, emotional or psychological, do not fall for the fallacy that only weak people get bullied and therefore you must suffer alone to become strong. Do not believe the notion that speaking up confirms that you are weak for not being able to deal with the problem alone. These patterns of thinking prevent people from seeking help and so unwittingly empower and enable the perpetrator continue.
No matter how isolated you might feel, please be aware that there are always trusted adults ready and willing to help. If you are in school, contact your school’s Designated Child Protection and Safeguarding Lead or the nearest adult you feel you can talk to as soon as possible, and if you are at home, do the same with someone you can trust. Bullies do not like to be confronted and when their actions are brought to light, it serves as an unfailing deterrent.
It is imperative that institutions of education at every level be well aware of the dangers of bullying and the social and psychological impact it can have on growing minds. Mental illnesses, suicide and lifelong social/emotional deficiencies are just some of the potential effects of this phenomenon. To protect against such, schools must provide an environment that ensures every student feels welcome to report bullying with the assurance that it will be handled in such a way that protects the student from further distress.
At LifeForte International School, we make it a priority to ensure that bullying is not a part of our social culture by ensuring students have multiple avenues to report incidents of bullying. Our students are also constantly encouraged to be ‘one another’s keeper’ and to feel comfortable to speak up against such acts even when they have not been directly affected. All reported incidents are handled with the required sensitivity to protect the “victim” and appropriately discipline the perpetrator with an aim to rehabilitate and not just correct.
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