Where did we get it all wrong? At what point did we miss it?
Our culture used to be our pride, we glory in the attitudinal cordiality birthed by mutual understanding of the cultural heritage we belong to; of chastity which gives respect.
The African Pride
The three major tribes in Nigeria was known for one thing, sacrosanct and germane to our living which made people from the outside world submit oodles of kudos to us, for we kept true to our traditions which has turned to our ways of living.
Family life was harmonious, marriage was heaven on earth, a share of equity even to the poor amongst the villagers and city dwellers. Nothing brought more joy to them more than the fact that they met their soul mates still intact.
Which spinster dare go into a marriage without her crown being intact in those days? Such wouldn't want to disgrace herself, coupled with her family since she'd be thrown out when the white handkerchief stains not with the red fluid. I understand that some cases had sprouted of those still intact but first experience was without blood...at least, they're intact, right?
You'd even make some sorts of bravado around amongst those who have kept themselves even when husband’s house calls. I watched with examination how the so called herbalist distinguishes out certain ladies to help make ritual prayers for the betterment of the town which definitely comes to reality. If they could be as important for such duty, do you know how important it is for you to keep your inside mute?
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I have been there before
Please, don't see me as one coming to castigate or preach to you, I just want to remind you that in the beginning, it was not so. I've experienced it and had seen the truth for I myself am not holy.
I watched, listened with amusement this morning while with some colleagues of mine, saying that we shouldn't preach about abstinence again either physically or via the media but to only tell people about prevention. Prevention??? Oh no!
I understand that certain individuals got into the unruly pleasure with little or no knowledge about its underlying effects, for some, it's to join the league of friends that does it, others find solace in sexual immorality to get money and so on, hence, prevention isn't the right thing to be taught or imparted. Speaking of prevention, it will only allow its continuance and summarily erode our values; the standard values our fathers have fought to keep.
See, I'm aware that it was due to mistake on the part of some of us that we ventured into this, but, one thing I've got to know about sex is that once it's tasted, to keep off from it is usually hard to do. We keep enjoying it that we become lost in the immoral act, thus, becoming addicted to it. The addiction is what we suffer from today because, it's just like someone addicted to hard drugs, getting out of the web would seem impossible, for it will be like a death sentence if not tasted before the dusk of a day.
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You have a bright future
But, it's a lie, you can get out of that web, it's an entanglement that is ready to eat you up. I know that the urge will always ask for food, that's the time to starve it... steering clear of sexual relationship is the best answer for this stage.
You said you really want to get away from this act but all you do is stay around him all day long and even dare to sleep at his house till the following day, are you serious? My sister, you don't need a special Anointing to be holy, your deliberate attitude to say NO to sex as an unmarried person goes a long way in building your wall of defense.
Money, if money makes you indulge in this thing, then, I'm not here to abuse you, neither am I here to rubbish you. The economy looks bad than ever before so, the best way you saw was to get money by neglecting the African heritage, so to say. I've got a good news for you; you're not a curse, your destiny is even very bright that your wealth would be the envy of nation but, you've got to know that these good things I mentioned about you is not a matter of saying “Amen”.
Your ability to build a resolve to counter that belief that money cannot come from elsewhere is the first step. There are a thousand and one ways to get money even with that iPhone with you. The months, years you've spent in that cage is enough, stipend is what you get compared to the garden of abundance you're to be controlling. Get up and have a re-think, your future is bigger than lying on the bed for one old man like that or is it G boy?... “all na wash”.
If yours was a mistake, don't let friends deceive you to swim on, lest you get drowned. Your first time really hurts, I know! Perhaps yours was pleasurable, maybe you feel you were a one night stand, or in your case deceived into it or want to feel in vogue, that doesn't mean you should continue. If you can tame it early, you'd see it sealed again. I sincerely heard of someone that got her's closed again, believe me.
Guys, watch it!
Someone would say I'm gender bias, why talking about girls only? Maybe you should just be patient with me because I'm on my way there.
Guys have this believe that no one can detect their state of chastity because of their gender. Yes, that's true but a Yoruba adage has it that; “what's behind 6 is more than 7”. If you can take a step of boldness to approach our fathers about some that indulged in it those days, your ears would be full of surprises.
Let's not go too far, the Doctors are much approachable, you may wish to meet with them and know that you're on a very dangerous adventure that may later result to major health challenges resulting in living the rest of your life in regrets and chewing dirge as a gum.
For every spermatozoa wasted before a marriageable age, loss of strength looms before age 65, brain density promises to be on the decline. Masturbation is a killer, it drains you of your brain power, yet, later launches you into a state of mental imbalance, lack of strength or loss of your super power.
Why the rush?
There's a major scare to the sage you are or the wise man you're growing to become; it's having a sexual intercourse when you haven't come of age and then, unmarried. That brother would say “I'm matured enough” but may I remind you that maturity as a man is not about that Mr. in-between the legs, it's a matter of exercising dominion over something that's worth destroying you.
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Now, let's keep this tone down. I'm not saying that your decision to make love(lust) to a lady is unreasonable, but, it's not worth it. It's not worth the underlying risks behind it. At least, if for nothing, give some respect to your body and your future wife so that she won't meet an half-baked man when duty calls.
Forget sex boosting alcoholic beverages, it's only damaging your hormones for real.
“But she's the one I would be married to in the next few months”. Please can I ask; why the rush? You could actually wait to enjoy yourself than doing it unworthily. See, the joy you'd feel when doing it as married couple is reportedly, usually fantastic. Then, why rush what you would live with and enjoy for the rest of your life?
I need us to just reason with me. I could share this with you because I've been there. I've seen both sides and indeed, that path is not worth threading at all.
Ladies, let's keep ourselves, rate ourselves higher so that no man treat us as sex dolls in the name of love. Dearly beloved men, you're more stronger than we are, I believe you can control it till honeymoon and enjoy us better at your wish.
Let's bring the African culture back to life and enjoy the value that sells most. Remember that we are Africans and should not in anyway acculturate the outside world. We are strong!
We can do this!! Let's do this together!!!
I love you all.
Written by Adekunle Adewunmi
Adekunle Adewunmi is YDC-OOPL State Youth Ambassador. A young Journalist, he's a Correspondent at Church Times Agency, Nigeria. Visit his personal blog @ adekunleadewunmi.wordpress.com He lives on Fb as Adekunle Israel Adewunmi. IG and Tweets @Adekunlewrites.