“I used to apologize when people complained that I felt everything too deeply. Not anymore. This is my gift, the ability to discern and feel and express myself deeply.
This is my gift, and now I wear it like a crown. -DANG
“Oh! You are a feminist.”
“All these feminism act will not save you.”
“A woman’s place no matter who she is or becomes in the long run is the kitchen (and the ‘other’ room).”
“You are all but a woman.”
All these and many more words I have heard; all these and many more words I have disagreed with. Overtime, a woman paves a way for herself and gives a ‘society be damned’ attitude and she gets a label; “she is a feminist.” I don’t bother myself about the twisted definition of what feminism is, I don’t think it is necessary. I’m not a feminist.
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Most times as I have come to discover, the will to rise above societal indulgences, expectations and affairs has been labelled ‘feminism’. For example, when a man says he hates house chores especially in an African home, no real damage is foreseen. In fact, he might as well be given a rub on the back after all, he has a dick.
When a woman says the same, well, you might as well begin world war III. It’s almost as if because she is a she, she is wired with the house chores DNA and failure to use it is not being ‘appreciative’ of the life had. Such cynical thoughts from self-centered individuals being vindictive of what ought to be and what ought not!
The Struggle
“Why do we beg women to love themselves but tell confident women to calm down?” Women have always had to prove themselves worthy of this society (life) men are handed down freely. Having to prove that they are good enough, smart enough, worthy enough to be someone; anyone.
I would have loved to blame someone for this but I won’t. The great history books, ancient cultures handed down to us has made it more difficult to blame anyone for this label women have had to deal with overtime. Maybe if those women who lived before us stood for themselves (earlier) in some sort of way, maybe we wouldn’t be here, having this conversation.
I am a firm believer in the power of choices but I have also come to the realization that, ‘sometimes the choices you make, you don’t even realize that they were choices until it is too late.’ It’s selfish of us all, very selfish to think a woman existence should center around getting married and being a ‘helpmate’ to her man when she could be so much more. It’s selfish of the society to allow herself be maneuvered to the point she thinks it wrong for a woman to please herself- the will to rise above standards and just be.
I often wonder if Oprah would be who she is today had she gotten married. The society has handed down to us all choices that shouldn’t even exist like being fulfilled work wise and in marriage also. What about motherhood. Why can’t you have it all?
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The competition
A man competes to prove something to himself. Anyone with a vagina has been given the responsibility to prove herself worthy of everything she gets. The same society that tell all kids they could be who and whatever they want to be asks confident ladies to swallow their pride. A competition which shouldn’t exist to begin with then comes to play, the reason I think a phase like “what a man can do, a woman can do better exists.”
Despite societal standards, the shift in responsibilities and influence, women are becoming more of who they can be.
Titles
Titles are make-believe, bringing us to believe that we are meant only to take on the responsibilities and lifestyle associated with that lifestyle. Don’t ask me to reach for the sky and stop short of the stars because I happen to have a vagina. Don’t tell me to dare to dream and have this horrible reality staring at me in the face. Don’t tell me to be whoever I want to be and steal my confidence because I walk in skirts. Don’t butter me into thinking I have the lesser life because I’m a wo(man).
I am all about all of that; reversing the role and owning it.
Written by Christiana Osun.
Christiana is a writer dedicated to voicing out thoughts we’d rather not complete: Presenting our realities and sharing relatable experiences and thoughts provoking subjects. She’s sarcastic, fun loving and an enigma of possibilities. IG,@_themillenniallady_ Facebook: OSUN Christiana Oluwadamilola krwistee@gmail.com