A combination of self-confidence and good all-round skills (e.g. interpersonal, communication and hobbies) are the solution to this problem of how to interact with men intelligently, without becoming “stupid” or defensive.
Have you ever wondered whether the Damsel in Distress is actually just an illusion, the art of which women have mastered in order to seem needy and feed the egos of men, their superheroes?
The good ol’ damsel in distress.
To what extent are women really clueless about changing a tyre, fixing a light bulb or tuning a television? Despite the so called feminist movements, in many situations of courtship and flirtation, particularly at the initial stages, I have observed some very smart and independent women become weak and sometimes just a little stupid when they want to attract a man.
Could it be because they do not want to come across as intimidating?
Balance between brains and beauty.
To be honest, the behaviour of women around men, particularly those they are attracted to is very interesting and sometimes may have less to do with their intellectual power and more to do with their hormones. In a case where they lack self-control or have low self esteem, those butterflies in their tummies could lead them to saying things and displaying some behaviours they may later regret.
Read Also: Makeup - Essential tools for success
Intellectual strength = masculinity?
The truth is, men do enjoy intellectual arguments with women, but if taken too far and an over-confident woman starts to become aggressive mid-conversation, the man could link this nature to competition and masculinity. In a corporate scenario, this could earn the woman a lot of respect and sometimes fear from her contemporaries.
But at a cocktail party for instance, when people just want to unwind, this behaviour could be a little off-putting, and even if the man and woman engaged in this conversation become friendly afterwards, any sexual attraction he had towards her initially may have died down.
On the other hand, some women who feel insecure about their intellectual capacity become defensive and make serious efforts to try to justify their intelligence when interacting with men as if they have something to prove because of their fear of being labelled as stupid. Unfortunately, men do not find this attractive either. In fact, it is a little irritating.
So where does a balance strike?
In my opinion, a combination of self-confidence and good all-round skills (e.g. interpersonal, communication and hobbies) are the solution to this problem of how to interact with men intelligently, without becoming “stupid” or defensive. We all cannot help who we are; our fingers are not equal, so academically, some people are nerds; some are equivalent to the “average student”, while others may not be academically sound.
But we have to be grateful for the diversified world, such that smartness and success are not defined solely by academic standards. After all, if academic soundness were directly linked to wealth, Richard Branson, the founder of Virgin Atlantic would probably be poor. So whether you are in fact, “intelligent” or not, there are ways to make a conversation with a man interesting. I think it is all about the way you communicate. And by communicate, I mean both speaking and listening:
The difference between speaking and SPEAKING.
We all (including men) need to understand that there is a huge difference between speaking and SPEAKING. It is all about the quality of the conversation.
There are ways to balance things out during a discussion to make it more interesting. If you are in fact and intelligent woman, and you keep going on about your job and its intricate technicalities throughout a conversation, it becomes boring. Then if you are not very “intelligent” and the content of your conversation is extremely superficial, then there is a possibility that you would not be taken seriously.
We all have hobbies, things we do for leisure, things we take more seriously than others; why not bring them into the conversation (depending on what is appropriate for the scenario) and mix it up a bit? If done, there is no way you would lose the interest of the person you are speaking to.
Read Also: Who should make the first move?
Not just content, direction.
Apart from the content of the conversation itself, another important factor is its direction. Most women LOVE to talk, and if men allow them, the entire conversation could be one-sided. So it is also important to exercise some self-control and build the skill of listening as well. They may not say so directly, but men highly appreciate women who listen.
What about body language?
The manner with which you speak is also very important. If you are talking about something interesting with a frown on your face, the person you are speaking with may not be fully engaged in the conversation because they may be too busy trying to link your words to your expressions.
There are ways to use your eyes, mouth and facial expressions to keep a conversation interesting. If you have noticed, sometimes, even speeches with the most boring content get people engaged because of the way they are delivered. This should be applied to everyday conversations as well.
To conclude, I don’t think people, should pretend to be someone they are not just because they want to please someone else. It just takes self-confidence, self-assurance and some creativity to engage in an interesting conversation…and the interest of another person.
Written by Oyin Egbeyemi.
Oyin Egbeyemi is an engineer-turned-consultant-turned-educationist, runner and writer.