A lot of men really, really, really care about the size of their dicks, and that is the long and hard truth of it.
It doesn't matter how many studies come out revealing the average penis size, or how many surveys are released indicating that, to most women, penis size is much less important than, say, foreplay, or a sense of humor.
A lot of men really, really, really care about the size of their dicks, and that is the long and hard truth of it.
So when Allison Davis of the Cut penned a now-viral essay about the power of the Big Dick, titled "You Know He Got That Big Dick Energy," I initially thought that would only further serve to cement men's (misguided) notion that penis size is all that matters.
Pegged to the whirlwind romance of Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson, the piece speculated that Grande was attracted to the SNL comedian due to his Big Dick Energy, or BDE for short (a fact that Grande basically confirmed in a now-deleted tweet jokingly asserting that Davidson was packing 10 inches).
In her piece, Davis defined BDE thusly:
"BDE is a quiet confidence and ease with oneself that comes from knowing you have an enormous penis and you know what to do with it. It’s not cockiness, it’s not a power trip - it’s the opposite: a healthy, satisfied, low-key way you feel yourself."
At first glance, this basically confirms every assumption that men have made about sexual attraction and penis size since the dawn of giant-bonered cave drawings. But Davis goes on to make a crucial point - that not all people with BDE actually have massive dicks:
"What we’re talking about is really more of an aura, a vibe. There are men with Big Dicks, but who do not ooze BDE. There are men with average to little ones who can have so much BDE you’re surprised to find that their wang does not touch their knee."
In short, guys: You don't have to have a big dick to have BDE. All you need to do is carry yourself like you do.
In itself, this revelation isn't so revolutionary; pick-up artists and dating coaches (a.k.a. people who have a vested interest in capitalizing financially on men's low self-esteem) have been dispensing such pearls for a long time. But what made Davis's summary of BDE so compelling - and what makes it, frankly, some of the best and most useful advice for guys I've ever heard - is that BDE isn't about swagger. It's not about (excuse the pun) cockiness. Rather, it's about carrying yourself with the quiet confidence of a guy who knows he's the coolest and smartest guy in the world, but doesn't necessarily feel the need to broadcast that.
Think about when you were a little kid and you had a secret that you kept from all the grown-ups. Think about how thrilling it was to walk around thinking about that secret, and how it gave you the little boost of confidence you needed to get through a long day of being told by adults where to go and what to do. The only difference is that when you were a kid, that secret was something like keeping a centipede in your pocket. With BDE, the secret is that you're carrying a giant NERF Super Soaker in your pants.
Since Davis's piece went viral, people on the internet have been speculating over who has BDE and who doesn't. (Guys with BDE: the Rock; Chris Evans; Jeff Goldblum; Idris Elba; Daniel Craig; Big Bird and Cookie Monster from Sesame Street. Guys without it: Connor McGregor; Justin Bieber; Chris Pratt; Tom Cruise; Vince Vaughn; Grover and Snuffleapugus.
While this is obviously a great deal of fun, the point of BDE, to me, is less about who has it and who doesn't, and more about how the average guy can get it - regardless of what you actually have between your legs.
Because for all the tips that self-styled dating experts and men's publications - us included - dispense about how to be more attractive to members of your preferred sex, the answer is shockingly simple. It's not about how cut you are, or how much hair you have, or how you look in V-necks, or how rich you are, or even whether you can cook - though it helps.
It's about acting like you know that you have, and can do, all of those things - and you don't care a whit.
It's about having the integrity and fortitude of character to know that you don't need to run around getting tats of snakes eating vultures or logging hours and hours at the gym or posting photos of yourself on a yacht playing bongos on butts to project to the rest of the world that you are the shit. You know that you are the shit.
And you don't need everyone else to know it, too. That's BDE in a nutshell.
Oh, and also a supreme willingness to go down on your partner for hours and hours on end. That helps, too.