It is no longer a consent to have fun between two people when one person is enjoying it and the other seems to want death more.
Sadly, we are inhabitants of a world where humans have no clear view of what is wrong and what is right. The thin line between saying yes and seeing the act of sex through, and not wanting to start or even finish the act of sex have been blurred in a very alarming way.
There are specific tells that should be set as rules defining ones willingness to have sex but there are also some tells that should be looked out for when this act has begun. It is no longer a consent to have fun between two people when one person is enjoying it and the other seems to want death more.
Willingness, An excitement to participate in the act, An agreement to see the act till the end, Letting the body and visual presentation show just how much the act is wanted, Engaging in the act by giving kisses and touching with as much ferocity as receiving; these should be the tells, they should be what counts when going into an intimate act.
It is truly saddening to see the constant battle between victims and offenders because of the latter’s insistence that the act was willingly carried out by both parties and the former’s submissive attitude to not fight back because of the defying odds. The community has dug itself too deep in saving face and allowing domination rule rather than seeing things as what they truly are.
A scenario
When a prostitute walks into a police station with tears running down her eyes and a story of sex being forced on her, her employment is looked at as a form of free will. Yes, it might be a service rendered for something in return but why is the question of getting their end of the bargain not even brought up? Yes, there are idiots who feel tossing the wad of cash on their victim when they are done is the same as handing payment and even going off with a kiss from your servicer. Sex might be for sale, but it is no longer a business when she declines and prefers to walk away.
There might have been promises made of sweet or chocolate, but let’s start with the question of how old he or she is. Playing on the ignorance of individuals who have no idea of the act of sex and what it entails, individuals who fear based on age and authority, on the ignorant trust placed because of being a family member is not consensual sex, it is rape.
There might have been pressure, a threat to end a relationship that has sadly become depended on, pressure built on fear. It is a crazy mind game that has been used to make it okay to take what is not whole heartedly given.
The blame game
It is highly disturbing when cases of rape arise and the guilty party is playing the cards of the victim being their partner, the victim saying yes initially but feeling more hurt and wanting to stop, the victim wearing revealing clothes which sincerely should have been a card that shouldn’t be played at all, and the victim not being a virgin and automatically being down whenever.
The most disgusting however is the victim being intoxicated or drunk or even unconscious. The pain of waking up and feeling like something is missing, the pain of having someone explain what happened from their point of view; most definitely missing the intricate details of your lifeless body being used as a pleasure tool, the pain of being used and not being able to stop it is one that cannot be short-lived.
The act of rape, not matter how it is done is something that shouldn't be debated.
Yes should be yes till the very end; no pressure, no threats and no promises. This, is my two cents on the defining line between consensual sex and rape which is certainly too obvious to be blurred.
Written by Kristen
Kristen is a creative constantly struggling to create a space in the world for what she finds to be relevant and impactful. She blogs at kriysten.wordpress.com and she has taken a step in using every medium available to preach and create awareness of a path yet to be fully developed.
You can link up with her on her social media platforms @kriysten on Instagram and @kriysten_ on twitter.