"In a tumultuous sea of pain and anguish, finding peace can only be from within."
Not in my wildest dreams did I see it coming, I never expected her to feel any remorse let alone an apology. Yet, I got both. The feeling was exhilarating, now I think I understand why she did that. Probably she was not happy with herself, she needed to let me know how she felt about that incident and decided to find me, so as to finally be at peace with herself.
Childhood drama
As a little girl, I never liked dolls. I hated the pale shades of pink in which they were made, their fragile and boring nature didn't appeal to my senses, I felt girls shouldn't be streamlined to these porcelains but sadly all my friends adored theirs. I remember painting my neighbour's doll black because I wanted to see how it'd look, Ronke almost had a fit when she discovered her doll was drenched with black battery liquid.
I tried explaining why I did it but she wasn't having any of it. After that day, I became an outcast amongst my peers and every other child in my compound avoided me like a plague. Some of them called me strange, others possessed but the worst came when I was labeled a little monster.
I was not sad, no far from it. I was only surprised that no one could see it from my own perspective, everyone thought I painted the doll black because I wanted to make her pay for breaking my hair clip the week before that.
I became so lonely and kept pretty much to myself. I hardly ever went outside to play or talk to anyone. Even though I kept up with this facade of not being affected by their actions, I was deeply troubled. As a child, I couldn't understand how a particular incident could turn everyone against me. I didn't tell my parents about it because I was scared of my dad, he wouldn't understand or so I thought.
Apology
Fast forward to a few years ago, I was just rounding up my senior year in high school, and Facebook was trending back then. I was just doing my thing online when I got a long message from a familiar name from my childhood. It was Ronke, telling me how she realized that the tantrum she had that day affected my relationship with the other kids.
She was deeply sorry for not listening to my explanation and felt very bad for not reaching out to me afterwards. I was astonished, because even though I never admitted it, that experience didn't go down well with me. I kept planning on how to make her pay for ruining my reputation the remaining part of my childhood and early teens.
I never forgot what it felt like to be left out from all the fun just because of a silly doll. It was really emotional for me and I cried, yes it's funny now when I look back. I mean, I was just a little girl who preferred magazines, newspapers, books and encyclopedias to porcelains.
I told her it was really nice hearing from her after a long time, sincerely I was glad she found me and reached out to me. I officially accepted her apology, we didn't become automatic friends but the respect for one another was mutual.
Not in my wildest dreams did I see it coming, I never expected her to feel any remorse let alone an apology. Yet, I got both. The feeling was exhilarating, now I think I understand why she did that. Probably she was not happy with herself, she needed to let me know how she felt about that incident and decided to find me, so as to finally be at peace with herself.
Reconciliation
This same thing applies to any feeling of turmoil you might be experiencing or had experienced. In a tumultuous sea of pain and anguish, finding peace can only come from within. It has to be a conscious decision to be at peace with oneself and everyone. Especially during this season when all the members of your family come home to celebrate, you might not feel up to seeing anyone of them, maybe because of an issue in the past.
It shouldn't matter again because like I said it's in the past. Don't let these issues be an obstacle to your happiness this joyous season, be deliberate in making peace reign within and without, smile more, think less, be careful with negative vibes and always remember great things happen when you are at peace.
Merry Christmas and a prosperous New year from me to you, stay warm during this harmattan.
So long!
Written by Adekunbi Bello
Bello Adekunbi "Kunbella" is an effervescent soul, bookish and loves watching classical movies. If she's not writing, taking long strolls on the beach or dancing, her head will definitely be buried in a book. Catch her on Instagram @kunbi_bello, Twitter @adekunbi_bello or Google #kunbellawrites.